28 Sep How important is sex?
One sunny spring day, I went by taxi to Stockholm Airport with a driver from Iraq. One of those talkative taxi drivers you know… How do you like that that, annoying or fun?
Sometimes I am not willing to talk, but this morning I was in a good mood and the driver was pleasant and intelligent. He had lived in Sweden for 19 years, had two children and went back to Iraq to visit relatives once a year. He asked what I did and we got to talk about sex. Hmm, for some reason job conversations are more interesting now, compared to when I worked as a management consultant or real estate CEO…
The driver told me that the people of Iraq is even more shameful when it comes to sexuality than we are in Sweden. Divorces are common also in Iraq, and his estimate was that 80% of them are due to the sex life not working out. The couples do though find all sorts of other reasons for the divorce, it is too shameful to admit that the passion is lost. But this is in Iraq, Swedes are much more relaxed and honest about sex, right?
Few subjects, if any, affect people as much as sex. When the subject comes up at the dinner table, people become either anxious, upset, sad or very interested. “Now we’ll change the subject of conversation!” Or: “10 minute orgasm! Is it true? Tell me more! “Sex enlivens and engages. The sexual energy is the most powerful energy we have in our bodies and sex can be very healing and energizing. Unfortunately, virtually everyone feel shame and fear for our naked bodies and our sexuality. In countries like the United States it is considered more harmful for children to see naked people than 750 murders a month on TV. But why should we be so blocked in a dimension that is as natural as eating, drinking and sleeping? It is said that only 1 out of 500 000 is really asexual, you’re probably not one of them… (or maybe you think you are a sex addict, there is a thread about this in Q & A – click here).
We are born as sexual beings, the four nerves we can have orgasms through are developed already before birth and they are pleasurable to touch for a baby. Play with the thought of entering a one-year old baby’s situation. You lie there in your little safe bubble playing with your anal or your sex. It feels good, that’s all you know and you enjoy without inhibitions and shame. Suddenly, you get a shock and a sharp reprimand. Your protector and idol which gives you nourishment and (hopefully) love rudely interrupts your innocent and sensual play. Mom and Dad do not like when you play like that, it triggers their shame and fear. A few years later you might get sarcastic questions like “is it still there?”, when you play with your penis or comments like “Itching in the butt, huh!” The parents mean no harm, but they are unaware because they received similar treatment by their parents.
In my tantric tradition, we are taught how to decondition our sexual shame and fear, so that we in a relaxed way can enjoy sexual energy like we once did as children. Before all tension in the body and shameful thoughts blocked the way. It has in a short time given me a new sex life, although I still have a lot to learn.
Before it was much more urgent and stressful. I had brought a girl home and the clear goal was to penetrate her and then come. Any guys recognize this? During this process there were some obstacles, but I was relatively unaware of them. Firstly, I was not totally confident with my naked body and neither was I any good at feeling the girl and letting our bodies decide. Instead, I trusted various more or less mechanical techniques. It could be licking correctly, or as quickly as possible vibrating with my fingers over the clitoris. At least three different positions before it was finished was considered to be a good performance. I had quite a few girls, it was status among the boys to have sex with many. Then I could be cool when we were playing, “Never have I ever”. Pretending to be reluctant I admitted “OK, I have had sex with more than 100”.
There is of course nothing wrong with different positions and sure I had some good sex and nice meetings. Especially with the girlfriends I was in love with. But frankly, it is better every time since I started with tantric sex, compared to my sex life before. This picture is confirmed by my friends who also practice tantra. Today I feel a lot more in the body, the meeting is so much deeper, both me and the girl become more satisfied and there is no rush. Instead of being two persons having sex, we can disappear into each other and the orgasms are on a completely different planet. Believe it or not but I have, despite being relatively new, already experienced orgasms 5-10 minutes long and the girls potential is even greater. It is certainly not my intention to brag, I just want more people to know what incredible potential there is in sex. Because good sex makes us feel good, sex is important! For those of you who want to read more about tantric sex and tantric orgasms I recommend looking in the Dictionary and under Subject – Tantric sex (Publication: No one goes from tantric sex to regular sex).