17 Oct To leave somebody you love
This is just the way the good-bye looked like… Well, almost at least. Beautiful picture created by Iron UK.
Last spring I started dating a girl and as the months have passed, we have come closer together. It is the first time in many years that I have spent time with someone under girlfriend-like conditions. She had seen me on Facebook and heard that I was doing spiritual things. “But I had not a clue what I was getting into,” she has said afterwards.
The girl, we could call her Johanna, is 26 years old and grew up in Stockholm. She is happy, outgoing, have a nice family and great friends. Furthermore, she is intelligent, with a strong will and fortunately a desire for adventure. Otherwise it would never have worked. You who follow the blog will gradually get to know the world I’ve stumbled into. Johanna got a crash course.
I can not summarize all the different ideas in my new approach to relationships, but I can take a couple of examples of the tools I have learned through books from of my tantric teachers. We have tried to have total transparency to achieve greater closeness and trust. Honesty regarding sexual fantasies have made the sex life more exciting. Honesty about feelings have created a greater understanding. Honesty about the expectations around the relationship did initially create heated discussions, but has gradually led to consensus in certain areas and that we respect each other’s way of life in other areas. Instead of unconsciously trying to fit the other into my own life plan. We did a lot of other things outside of the ordinary relational model, but this I don’t dare to tell you…
I read in a book that “man has confused love with ownership.” Some do not like if their partner’s flirting innocently with others, go on holiday with his/her friends and prioritize his/her own interests. It can even go as far as trying to change the “beloved” to behave as they want, instead of how he/she wants to. Why not instead give your partner the same rights as you would give to your best friend? It may sound simple, but there is almost no one who is doing this. We have conditions for each other, conditions for love. But if I really love a person, would I not then wish for her to happily be living out her full potential? Read more about this in Subject – Relations “In the future relationships we develop…”
It has been challenging for Johanna and me. But it is precisely the challenge that made us grow, and in a short time create trust, passion and love. It has been exciting and the methods that previously were only theory to me clearly work. The intimate closeness I have experienced is at a new level compared to earlier in life. It has felt so clean. I realize that I have only scratched the surface, but it has given me an appetite for more.
I think it is important that each person lives out their full potential and for me I can not, right now, do it in Sweden 12 months a year. Johanna was initially a bit disappointed by this, but now she supports me. She does not want to stand in the way. Fortunately, she also has a strong Life Purpose that she is passionate about, she is studying to be a midwife. I think it is cool and support one hundred percent, even though it means she can not join me exploring the world. This is for me an example of how to try not to possess her, to give her the same rights as my best friend. She should feel free to live her life just as she wants, I try to have no expectations on her.
So we both have a clear direction in life that feels meaningful. That being said, it was hard to say goodbye. It has been so nice to sleep together night after night. Having someone to talk to, listen to, to share joy and sorrow with. It has also been incredibly stimulating to constantly try and open my heart to her. Even in the most difficult moments. There were tears and I felt a little jittery the day before departure and also subdued when I sat alone on the plane.
In a way it may look like I do not give priority to love, because I choose my Life Purpose over the relationship. But my belief is that people had better following their own internal calling. If we compromise with our own calling for a relationship’s sake, it can develop into an invisible prison. Of course each person’s Life Purpose must not become a pretext for egoism, but be combined with respect and honesty. In this way, a relationship can support two person’s development rather than hinder development. I think respect, honesty and passion characterizes the relationship with Johanna and it was a touching and beautiful farewell where she had made a small goodie bag with stuff I love and wrote a lovely letter (see letter here). I was also inspired to write to her on the flight. (read my letter here).