22 Oct Babyface solving the world’s problems in dark bunker
Hmm, not really the Hilton, so this is my home for the coming week.
Nothing happened. And everything happened. For those of you who read last week’s post, you know I was about to stay one week in silent, pitch black bunker and meditate to bring more clarity as to what my purpose is here on earth. Sounds exciting right? Not many are tempted and especially girls seem to think it sounds brain dead. This is understandable. But I went in with the natural attitude (as usual) that this I will manage splendidly. Something like: “Probably I will find the deepest purpose of everybody here (about 40 people), it will not be hard at all, I will meditate deeply, see the meaning of life, the universe and the whole package. Probably 50/50 that I become enlightened in the process”.
My dad often says that he is suffering from monumental presumption. It is spot on and he also has the guts to stand for it without for a second wanting to change that. Hence, his self-image may not always be in line with reality, but anyway it is humor. 😉 It’s funny how I always thought that this only applied to him. My teachers and my friends have recently got me to realize that I have pretty much copied my father. Aaah!, it is so-so embarrassing that I feel it creeping in the body. It is crazy how we unconsciously are copying our parents. If you really honestly investigate, how much have you copied your parents yourself?
Back to the bunker. It was pretty tough from time to time. I mean how much fun it can be when one of the highlights of the day is to follow a rope to the toilet, wash myself under the arms and refill my small water bottle? The celebration of the day was the food that arrived sometime in the afternoon and was eaten with a spoon from a bowl. The boredom went so far that when I, after the last meal had an accidental burp, Bea lying on the mattress next to me got a hysterical giggle attack. Because we had to be quiet, it spread, of course. I felt like a stand-up comedian.
“An important insight!! I have to write it down. But it’s pitch black, where’s the damn book? Ah, there. OK which side I did I write on last? Should be here …”
Occasionally, it was frustrating not being able to do anything other than writing day after day in the little notebook. I moved around in the bed, tried to sit, do yoga and push-ups. But little by little the darkness brought silence to my mind and some amazing things happened. First it was nice to sleep for real! It certainly took a couple of days before I properly recovered and realized how stressed and tired I generally am. This applies for most of us. Since there was nothing else to listen to other than the voice in my head, it became clearer than ever how unreliable the thoughts are. It was initially a bit tricky to tell the difference between the constructive “working-mind”-thoughts and the “monkey-mind’s” romantic dreams of the future, futile complaints or hubris conversations with myself about how marvelous I am. But over time it became quieter in the head and the mind got sharper. I began to see possible visions of the future, little glimpses of what I and others could create. This my teacher calls the “Intuitive Mind”. Insights that we do not have a clue where they come from, they just appear out of nothingness. Since there was nothing else to do down there, I had plenty of time to write about how these insights could be translated into practical actions in life.
Sitting in the bed with my back against the concrete wall there suddenly appeared a dot in the dark. A green light funny bobbing up and down. It almost hurt my eyes, but it was a relief that something finally happened. It was the light from my teacher’s night vision googles, he had come check how it was going for me. I put my hands on his shoulders to follow and in the dim light I could see his shirt. He looked like he often does, like a rock star with his long hair and tight clothes. It’s cool to have such a teacher. When we travel together, people tend to stop and pointing, “look – Michel Jackson”. However, he is so much more than that. I told him what I had found out so far. He’s probably already got a good idea of what our Life Purposes is, but he insists that we ourselves have to find them in order to feel motivated. He may give some discreet guiding. I was given thumbs up to continue and later I heard that he liked my plan, but that it also was something I said which was totally off… What the hell could that have been? Guess he had a good laugh inside.
Towards the end of the time I got to experience very deep and special moments of stillness and bliss, in Japanese such can be called satori. When we came out into the light on the Sunday morning it was like using the eyes for the first time. It was incredibly beautiful. Nature looked like something straight out of a childhood tale. The trees were so vivid, it was almost like I could feel them and the sounds were crystal clear and echoed somehow softly inside my head. This was too much for little me, so I started bellowing of gratitude where I stood in the sunrise.
So what then came out in concrete terms? Incredibly exciting projects for the coming years. I will probably become world famous, affecting billions of people and write the next Bible. 😉 Well, most things are just ideas and they will of course be transformed in some way, but the creativity and motivation I feel now I have never been close to before. Maybe as a child. You who follow the blog will see what happens.
If you, dear reader, feel an urge to find out what your Life Purpose is I can really recommend you to do something similar. My teacher says it’s fine to do it yourself too, for example in nature. But I had great help from his guidance in both meditation and structure.
The first light we saw in many days.