09 Nov Do you feel the Love behind – the “Person”?
OK here’s a quite sensitive post with some repetition. But if you’re cool with that it could be nice reading.
This summer I was at an after-party in Sweden with one of my best friends (who also works in the real estate company I co-founded) discussing love and relationships. On a question, he began to describe his love for the girlfriend he’d been with for almost a year. I just listened and enjoyed every minute and eventually it became so strong and beautiful that I started crying. It was nice to hear him describe love so genuine, pure and deep as he did and it touched me deeply. Almost like something clicked and changed in me. I do not know how, but it was like a voice said to me that if there is love I do not need to look elsewhere. But that message can be interpreted in different ways. I’ll do a little flashback to invite you into my perspective.
In January 2014, I was in Brazil on my first real spiritual retreat. It’s called the Path of Love and is a very intense week, mostly in silence, with exercises from early morning to late evening. I remember that I thought the leaders had a strong charisma that is rarely seen. They led all the exercises in a clear and definite way, but they were also very patient and loving. During the week I burned through many of the less comfortable feelings people carry on. I exposed myself but was also taught to be in the feeling and to “own” it. I cried almost every day, was furious, ashamed, afraid, felt helpless and it bubbled up all possible things from earlier in my life.
This purge helped me get rid of the garbage that lay in the way of the beautiful. At the end of the week, something amazing happened inside me and it was like I woke up to a different reality, as if a filter had been pulled away from my eyes. Everything looked as usual, but I did not have any problems. It was clearly visible in the eyes of us participants who had “woken up” and which ones were still struggling with their own thoughts and feelings. The following couple of days I still remember as one long love experience. For the first time ever, I could socialize with nature, myself and a lot of people I did not even know and experience that there was love… – Everywhere! It was impersonal in a way, but that did not make the experience any less beautiful. For me it was a deep imprint that love is inside me and everywhere, all the time. The key was daring to be vulnerable to open myself to it. There are so many things happening that change us, but this I carry forever with me. It was the beginning of a deeper security within me. If I for example would be dumped by a girlfriend, I know now that I do not depend on her for love. Although it obviously can hurt to part anyway.
What is love? We all have different interpretations of words. For me there is only one love and it is the one that just wants to give, in all directions and without asking for anything in return. It is not hot nor cold, it’s cool as Osho says. It holds joy, peace and is meaningful in itself. Love lacks nothing. It does not set requirements how the other should behave and it does not come with a story of some kind. It simply happens in the consciousness and heart, it is impossible to plan for it. The mother’s love for her child, which is all about giving, it is the cleanest mundane example that I can think of.
I read somewhere that people have confused love with ownership. “You are mine and I love you as long as you do not hurt me.” It seems there is a need for insurance and to frame love. “Your personality is special, please tell me that my personality is also special.” I’m special. This I do not buy anymore. Try to remember what you felt in your past love relationships, if you had multiple ones. Obviously, there have been various personalities of the people you were with, but how was it in moments of intimacy, the moments of love? Please visualize the lovers of your youth. Can you perceive what unites? The little beautiful, fragile, familiar signal from home. The timeless love that exists in all deeper meetings. The one that we always carry with us. My belief is that it is only the depth which varies, the love is the same.
As I listened to my friend, it was like he was speaking from love, out of love, to love itself. It does not get more beautiful and authentic than that. Then there was the image of his girlfriend who helped him open up, it is of course fine, but not a prerequisite. It could have been his beloved dog too. Right there and then we sat like two brothers with our heads together and two hearts that were about to burst. We are only channels, tools and media for love. You know this, that’s why love can occur with different people at different times in life. Do you have a relationship where you repeatedly open each other in love? That is a blessing. It is a good start, a foundation to go deep and perhaps give you the courage to open up to others. Do you have more than one of those relationships it is a greater blessing. I was once advised by a fortune teller in Bali (not at all wishy-washy) 😉 to always go towards the light. To welcome it, let it give of itself through me and not to worry about in what shape it comes.
My own experience is that deep down we are love, it is our home. When I cried with my friend, it was because I went deeper into this realization than before, it sank deeper into my body and in my mind. I cried with gratitude while recognizing that of course one can go much deeper than what I’ve done.
Here’s a playful exercise. When listening to a song about love, hear then that it is love singing to itself, instead of one person singing to another person about their common history. You can also see it as love singing to the most beautiful part in you. Sing along. Sing out your love to love. It is so much more powerful and simpler without conditions and personal stories, it becomes divine. You are welcome to test it with this more powerful song so that it won’t be too sensitive. 😉
Recommended reading: Love, Freedom, Aloneness Osho