17 Feb My first paid (!) article on KIT.se – about how to start having tantric sex
To read the article in Swedish on the portal KIT.se click here.
I do not remember whether it was in school, but somewhere I had heard that women could get orgasms lasting up to 20 minutes. It was information that I could not forget, but for many years I still pushed it away. Since I was not able to give a woman anything other than a 5-10 seconds clitoral orgasm, I got uncomfortable by the thought that there would be such a huge potential.
After two years of practicing tantric sex, I am now in the middle of an adventure in the world of sexuality, where also I as a man have experienced orgasms felt throughout my entire body and lasting for several minutes at a time. The meaning of the word sex is something completely different for me today. I can honestly say that sex today is better each time, compared to the best sex of my life before I began with tantric sex.
What then is tantric sex? The answer will be different depending on who you ask. For me it’s about a curious discovery of what the human body is capable of. The possibilities seem almost endless for those who are brave and motivated. A not entirely unusual question: “I have heard that tantric sex is to not touch each other, breathing deeply and look into each other’s eyes until you believe you get an orgasm?” Such an exercise might work, but it is not my view of tantric sex. Tantric sex includes everything you can do when having ordinary sex.
Now comes the bad news: the main difference is that you completely avoid the usual orgasm where you build up energy, intensity and tension in the body towards a peak – and then explode with contraction and pumping in your sexual organ for 5-10 seconds. We are talking of course about the man’s ejaculation and the woman’s clitoral orgasm, here called peak orgasm. It is certainly a great experience, but as you probably have noticed it is also addictive and it comes with a high price not known to most people:
- You actually get drained of energy in the short term, but also in the long term. The effect is noticeable in the body for up to 17 days. Studies carried out by for example The New Tantra follows the same pattern as scientific experiments on rats.
- The attraction between you and your partner decreases, read more in “No-one goes from tantric sex to regular sex“
- Your sensation decreases in your sex and body
- The possibility of deeper, longer and more satisfying orgasms are heavily reduced
If instead you learn to stay on the right side of the border (not cumming) and allow energy to circulate in the body – then sex will be more healing, still stress releasing, you will get closer to your partner and also have more energy afterwards. You will be relaxed and energetic at the same time, like when you were a child.
The first thing you can try is to avoid the peak orgasm for 21 days. The important thing is to continue to be sexually active, alone or with your partner(s). In this way, you build up your sexual energy in the body, rather than disposing of it every time you get excited. During these days a lot is happening in the body and brain. For example you may feel some pain one day, but it will pass.
There are certain patterns that most of us follow. The first few days you will not notice much difference, but day 4-6 tend to be the hardest. I can be irritated, feel uneasy in the body and less happy. From day 7 and onwards the sex drive increases and so does the lust for life in general, and somewhere between day 14-17, we usually come up in an energy level that many have not experienced since we were children.
It may sound hard to believe, but come on – try it! You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. It might be harder than you think. An orgasm by mistake and you have to start from day 1. This also applies if you would come by mistake while sleeping.
This will lead to completely new experiences with increased control, deeper connection with your partner and more sensation in the body. We often have no idea how tensed we are in the body. Tantric sex and tantric orgasms are, unlike some traditional sex, about relaxing deeper and opening the body so that the energies can flow and create orgasms without effort.
“But how does it feel and how do you practice?”, some may wonder. It’s a bit like asking how to ride a bike, it is a feeling rather than a technique, and practice makes perfect – suddenly get flow when the body takes over.
You want to get away from techniques and planning, to find your intuition and what your body likes. It may take some time to learn, but just the refraining from peak orgasm will give you a totally new kind of sexual encounter.
Besides this, it might be good to try to move slower in bed, approximately 20 percent slower than you think. Feel it. Feel your partner. Being present with each other is important and it is also nice to look each other in the eyes now and then.
In Tantra the meeting between the feminine and the masculine is central. Both men and women have a feminine and a masculine side. For my part, it was first scary, but then wonderful to familiarize myself with my feminine side. It becomes like a game to switch between the energies that arise when my partner and I alternately are leading (masculine) and following (feminine). This in combination with the fact that my body is more alive has made sex much more exciting and pleasurable.
Tantric sex is a journey of discovery and a little like going back to being a teenager again. No one can predict what you will experience. Good books are David Deidas “The Enlightened Sex Manual” and “Finding God Through Sex”. You can also read online and see if there is any course you want to try out.