10 Apr Do you also feel performance pressure? – Part 1
A human being feeling loved has no need to prove anything. Can you do anything else but to love that kid?
Performance pressure or even anxiety is a big thing for me. I just found this text on my computer, a text I wrote one year ago in April 2015. So I decided to make a two part blog post about the subject, where the second part will be my present view after having worked one more year on myself. Am I totally relaxed today? Present, cool, knowing where I am going without “mind-fucking” about it? You’ll see in the next post – here is 32 year old Babyface view:
My parents have both had successful careers, and perhaps it was not unexpectedly that I would get a personality with an inherent performance anxiety. But I know that I am far from alone in this, and there are many different types of performance anxiety. Maybe you feel that everything you do has to be perfect? You must be successful in order to fit in. Or perhaps you don’t dare to take your space, because you think no one is interested in what you have to say? Throughout my life I have been the one who after an intensive and successful working week, followed by a big party that I personally arranged on the Friday, am waking up Saturday morning and feel pressured to go out and enjoy the day. “It’s actually nice weather today, I can not lie here and waste it in bed.” Anyone who recognizes that inner voice?
As I write this I have just had a nice session with a woman named Rupda. She is present, deep and warm and has a great ability to help people. We talked about my new life with the app and blog and how great I think it is. I felt excited and then she asked me how I will handle the pressure I put on myself. It was difficult to answer that question because I know somewhere that I will push myself. It is much better today compared to before and these projects feel right in body and soul, but still – the heart rate goes up and the neck becomes stiff when I work. Why does this happen?
When I ask myself, I discover there is a concern that I will not do well, and the turmoil seems to stem from a feeling that I am not good enough as I am. This is something I believe almost all people suffer from in various degree, but not everyone is aware of it. It operates, however, and implies that we can not live in peace. Hardly anyone have received unconditional love to the extent we needed as children and this has created holes within us. One of the big holes is that we do not really deserve love, it is something we have to prove ourselves worthy of. If we instead could feel assured we are loved no matter what happens, there would obviously be no need to prove anything. It would not mean that we stopped creating, on the contrary we’d probably be more creative because of the relaxation. And we would not have the least worry of failure.
We actually have access to all the love we ever need, but the question is if we can give it to ourselves. Most of us have a hard time to even, in depth, forgive ourselves. Rupda guided me, therefore, to imagine myself as a small child. I got to talk to the little boy inside me, age 4 he was, and ask him what he needed. It was much easier for me to open my heart to this little sensitive boy than to “myself”. He does not ask much; that I should remember him and give him love and a little peace no and then. We all have a wounded child within us and it is a simple but extremely effective method to have an ongoing dialogue with the child. The more often the better. Simplified it can be said it is this child who represent our feelings. Please try it out! Imagine yourself as a small child and feel what the child is feeling and what he or she needs. It has a healing effect on the entire nervous system, and this little baby may also contribute to your creativity and inspiration. How much more imagination did we not have as kids?
Before the session ended I also imagined my parents standing behind me with flowing unconditional love from them. It created a feeling that it did not matter what I did for the world, if I even got a single job. I was loved nonetheless. This made my nervous system go into even deeper relaxation, and it is from this state I would like to work. Being creative without worrying about the outcome. Just like a child who draws or builds with Lego. Something tells me that the results would also get better, in addition to the obvious advantage that I feel good. It will take time, but every step of the way is a relief and for this I am grateful.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column]