06 Jun Just another day – from deep shame to gratitude with Håkan Hellström
What a concert, it made my day.
I just had a quite crazy day. First some old stuff that I am not proud of turned back on me. So it all started in regret, even shame and I was stuck in it. Then I confessed, like the Catholic’s do. I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all. To confess something that feels like a burden in my conscience. It actually made me cry – like a purge. It was a relief. After that I prayed for forgiveness and in a way it happened, as a sign. Then came the gratitude and last of all I prayed for the strength to never, ever do anything like that again. So as you may understand, it was a pretty intense start of the day…
In the evening I went to one of the biggest events you can go to in Scandinavia, maybe even in the world. Big not only in size, but also big as an overall experience. It is Håkan at Ullevi in Gothenburg. If you aren’t Swedish this probably won’t tell you anything. 🙂 But I’ll explain for you. Over 70 000 people on a concert, with lyrics only in Swedish – and I believe many people would not even judge the music as particularly good. I’m sure I didn’t. Until I saw Håkan live for the first time. Then I got it.
This was my second concert with him. It was a beautiful and warm summer evening in June. One of those when the sun sets after 10 pm on a clear blue sky and the night never really gets dark. It was anticipation, youth and romance in the air of Gothenburg.
What is so special about this Håkan and what he is doing? Well he is singing about people who were not so fortunate in life, but he is always giving hope. He is also singing about the beauty of everyday situations and life in general. But foremost Håkan is giving so much love from stage. He is giving his totality to the audience, not holding anything back. Of course he is a superstar standing there in front of tens of thousands cheering, screaming and crying fans – but he is also very humble. He seems to try to reduce his size to the same level as us in the crowd, by being human and also by connecting. This is his show, but he is inviting many guest artists and giving them all affectionate introductions. And then there are all this small messages he is giving us. The guy is definitely doing spiritual practice on a high level. And for those who are interested there is much to receive.
He talks and sings about faith instead of doubt, to rise after being hit, to not listen to all the stories in the head, to not go into sadness, to never give up, about love when you are young and love when you are old, to give love, to dare to receive love and much more.
It is a very homogenous Swedish audience. Most people in the audience are young, and most are also women or girls. But still all generations are there and everyone is singing together. 70 000 people, every single one standing up and singing together. Like Swedes love to do.
As you may imagine I was in a pretty vulnerable space already from the beginning of the concert and I went there alone. It did feel good to be anonymous though. When I stood there in the middle, alone but yet not alone, I sometimes turned around to look into the faces of all the people that were singing out there passion – daring to go totally into trust and love. At least for a few hours of their lives. It was very beautiful, what humans can create together. Maybe something has shifted in me but I cannot help crying in these situation nowadays. Perhaps it is a phase, or perhaps it is here to stay. Sometimes I just feel happy and that puts me in a limbo between crying and laughing. But this time was different. I cried out of gratitude and also relief. Relief that I was able to see, hear and touch such beauty on a day that started off in such a hard way. I saw that forgiving myself was the hardest part. To let go off the illusion, this story, that we are sinners. This idea that there is something wrong with us, so that we are not worthy of love. That night in the concert I saw so much hope around me. All these people making the effort and paying the money to come to this concert and celebrate the Swedish summer. Celebrate being free, celebrate being alive – together. I believe it is already happening. Don’t you?