24 Jun 10. Remain Curious (especially about yourself)
Right now I am studying a course called the Science of Awakening at the Dhyan Vimal Institute for Higher Learning. The course in itself is fascinating, where the science of the awakening process is put down by an enlightened man into a theoretical course with assignments – reminding me about my time in university. And just like in university and school I have sometimes felt a lot of resistance in doing this. On one hand I know this is something I have to do, but there is also this voice in my head saying “I don’t want to, I want to be lazy, this is hard” and so on.
One of the first things we were told in this course was that we were actually studying for ourselves. I have heard this before, but it has just been something people say. This time though I have been sitting with the question “Who am I actually studying for”, so that the question has got a chance to sunk in. We have to understand who deep the conditioning and programming from the outside has gone into our system. Many people know deep down they are not doing what they really want or what they were born to do, but they simply don’t know what else to do. Already from birth there are a thousand ways we are told how to be and a thousand more ways we are told what to do, so it is not strange the average man has not found his own inner compass in life. Just look at school were all this unique kids are forced into a system to study pretty much the same thing to support and uphold a system and a society shaped by the old.
I can see this is where my resistance comes from. For so many years, 17 in my case, I hav been studying something I thought I wanted and needed – but it was only because I had been told this was something I wanted and needed. This is slowly killing the natural curiosity of children (and grown-ups), you can see it year by year when someone is growing up. But this course is different. When studying now it is not because some politician or teacher has told me to study this, not because this education is good in the eyes of society so you can earn money – no, this time it is for me. Because I am curious, it is almost like an internal demand to understand this. It took some time to really get it and I am still trying to get it. This studying actually makes me more peaceful, more joyful and more grounded – besides making me more insightful. In the end this is a study about me and my awakening, for me but also for mankind.
My Guru has said that the natural state for the human being is to be always evolving, in line with evolution. Now what does that mean? For one thing it means not being fixated with old knowledge. I’m not saying that old experiences are useless, but if we use whatever we think we have learnt in the past on a present situation we are not being open and evolving. To evolve we have to be fresh and ready to change all the time. I was so glad when I saw that the word study fits well here. When I am studying I am not fixated with the old, I am ready to learn and change – that is why I study. So life is a constant study, and if one is too lazy to be in a studying mode that person will not grow.
Everything in nature grows as long as it lives and I believe humans are meant to do so as well. I just started to learn cooking 21 vegan dishes to eat that food for 21 days. I have been thinking about it for months, but it has been such resistance to leave my old habit of cooking the meat, chicken and fish I have always cooked. But once I started this 21-day challenge it became a joy. Not only do I feel lighter in the body and sleeping better, there is a satisfaction in learning. I strongly believe it is a myth that old people can’t learn, that only children are good at learning. Yes children are not yet full of ideas about how things are (difficult to fill a cup that is already full), but my Guru is 53 and he is learning new things faster than any child I have ever met. Myself I am 34 and I know I am also learning faster now compared to 10-15 years ago. Maybe not about kings, years and rivers of South America, because that is not where my curiosity is leading me to study. And if anybody thought children are really curious about such things perhaps they should ask the children…
Curiosity is of course a prerequisite for evolving, not wanting to keep everything the way it is in order to feel safe. Almost all children are open, curious and want to learn – but already during the teenage years some stop and not many are curious about learning new things when they get old. The ones that stay curious while getting older are usually amazing people, fun and appreciated by friends and family. I believe it is the only way to grow wise with age, unlike only desiring success with money and fame which unfortunately seldom comes with subsequent wisdom. Rather those people have to defend their position through bragging and other means, I know countless successful businessmen who is only interested in talking about themselves to maintain and inflate their self-image. The curiosity about others is lost, and my opinion is that such men have also lost their curiosity in themselves to. Defending and building on a self-image is not being open and exploring what is actually happening in one’s consciousness. It is just preservation of the old, preserving the identity one created in order to survive through childhood and upbringing.
Self-observation is one of the keys in personal growth. And that requires curiosity about oneself. 10 years ago I was constantly thinking about myself, but then it was about the image of me and how that one could be improved to survive better, be more sexually significant and be included in the groups I judged as cool. I am not free today, but there is a lot less energy spent on this and instead I am aware of what is happening internally in my consciousness, in order Not to be lost to this self image. This requires curiosity, which is an open mind. If I am having a bad day it could be that negative thoughts are coming over me. Maybe I cannot jump from there to the delight I want to be in, but if I can manage to bring some curiosity something new will happen. “What are these negative thoughts, what energy do they come with, how does it feel in the body?”. This attitude changes everything instantly, all of a sudden I am evolving again. I am not stuck with negative thought patterns and unpleasant feelings.
When love and joy is flowing there is no need for curiosity, there is already a direct link established with the source. But curiosity seems to be a doorway to get back there over and over, and it is also leading to a new kind of knowing about me and life. And when this gets rooted, that being curious to learn is always available, a new internal strength is born. No matter the situation I can always choose to study and learn from it, rather than being fixated, complaining or becoming a victim. To me this is faith and with time it may lead to deep wisdom.